Friday, May 21, 2010

As her heart beats....What do you think?

As her heart beats, mine doth so,


through passage of winter's sullen grip.


Oh shine upon our faces, spring's soft glow,


as on love's sweet nector we both sip.





To dream, tomorrow's warmth be such,


that what we feel today, becomes not near enough.


This, the story of love is so,


like the warmth of sun upon retreating snow.


Soon the chill of current season ends, and


bring forth hopes of what the next will send.


The birds return, the tulips soon to rise,


The lingering of day shine brightly in our eyes.


And supper soon, we will beneath a still blue sky,


With spring's soft breeze awakening all, where


winter's stillness once did lie.


Yet like the comming spring, with day's so full and warm,


are not unlike in winter's night, when thus my love I've sworn.


Smile,like the Sun, my love, for the days of warmth will fade too fast,


and squander not the joys of love, as dew upon the morning grass.

As her heart beats....What do you think?
You certainly have talent! Just an opinion--I think you should change the Middle English "doth" to "does," only because it's the only non-modern English word you've used in the poem. Otherwise, it's wonderful.
Reply:do I detect a bit of shakespere in thee? Like it, like it alot!


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