I love a man whos family hates me what do I do .....?

about 5 years ago I fell in love with my cousins ex-husband they had been devorced for more than ten years and he had been married and devorced again we met durrig the summer got engaged in the fall and the following winter I found out I was really sick my sweet heart saved my life by giving me a kidney...his family was agenst it right from the start...they didn't like me at all because of the children ....his mother never gave me a chance she really did'nt even get to know me nethier did the kids the realtionshp was rocky I was sick with no suport from his family we sererated for a while but we are now back together I can't wait to marry him..but his kids won't even talk to me they bearly talk to ther father and if they see him it has to be with out me I've alway been nice to them but they've been notthing but nasty to me. they go out of ther way to tell ther dad "she dosen't love you" he trys to ignore it but it hurts him.... he loves me I wish there were some way I could help

I love a man whos family hates me what do I do .....?
Kids can be very vindictive people. They dont seem to see another persons point of view...only their own. Your fiance has to stand his ground and when his kids start to say negative things, he needs to stop them and calmly say...I love her and I wont hear anything bad said about her.





Kids usually come around. Marry him and then the kids will know he is serious, that he does really love you.





If your fiance is allowing his kids to "bag" you, then they will continue to have this animosity towards you because their father isnt putting a stop to it. If they love him, they will accept you into their lives....but it is going to take time....it is also going to take your husband being firm with them. He also needs to be firm with his mother. He gave you his kidney, for God's sake, he must love you very much.





Marry him, then allow the kids time to accept you. Maybe your fiance needs to say to his children, that they are quite welcome to come visit...to get to know you, but unless they are prepared to meet him half way, then he wont be going out of his way.....he will still see them on designated days because he loves them, but if they dont even try to accept you, then they will be the ones who will be missing out.....Kids, grow up and leave the nest....they will find their own love in this life, they wont care if their family approves or disapproves.....love is a very powerful emotion, so they are not going to care what their father says when they do, in fact, fall in love. They will leave the nest, they will have a life of their own....his mother will die one day....so the influences affecting your lives now, will not always be there. Who will be there though? You and your husband, thats who. It is you and he who will grow old together. His mother cannot provide what he needs, and neither can his kids. Mothers and kids do have a powerful influence in our lives, but we have to be realistic....these people wont always have that influence....they move on......so the best thing we can do is nourish our love relationship, knowing that it is your spouse who you are going to wake up to every morning....it is your spouse who is going to love you, no matter what. Put it into logical perspective and maybe you will have the strength to marry this man and give it time before the family will accept you.





Dont not marry him because of his family. Not many men would give up their kidney for the woman they loved....so dont let his family spoil that love.





Take care....I wish you all the best.
Reply:thanks for the points. Im glad your husband realises that his kids, nor his mother will keep him warm at night. I hope he follows through too because if he is not firm now, he will have many regrets on his death bed. We have one shot at this life, make the best of it. Report It

Reply:well, then it's time for you to exclude them just as much as they have excluded you. but don't let them see you sweat cause that is giving them too much power. and your man needs to stand up to his family for them treating you like crap. he needs to grow a back bone and let them know not to disrespect you in front of him. because he is not doing anything or saying anything...it allows this kind of behaviour to continue. do you want to live this way? then you need to talk to him and let him know that he needs to stand up to his family for you and let them know not to disrespect you in front of him. if not, then be prepared to always feel like this or give him an ultimatim.
Reply:Follow your heart, no one is going to be living with him, only you can make that decision, as far as the kids, pray for God to change their hearts, prayer opens the door for God to work in our lives......good luck with your new husband.....Jesus loves you
Reply:Keep loving him. It's about you and him.
Reply:that's how kids feels anyway when their parents remarries
Reply:I can't even begin to wonder why you would get yourself into such a situation. The man gave you a kidney; that doesn't mean that you have to marry him. I would run and fast, after thanking him again for the kidney.
Reply:I see that this is a hard situation but if really loves you he must be your defence not anybody elseeven from his family, so just try to live with that sometimes we have to do that in fact...


Good luck, wish you all the best
Reply:I hate to say it, but it's a bad situation to walk into, even if you care deeply for him and vice versa. He's going to be forced to constantly choose between not only you and his family, but you and his children. That's a really tough one. It's going to put a LOT of stress on him no matter how much he loves you, and it's all a matter of can he take it indefinitely or not?
Reply:the family is either going to accept you or not...I had the same problem(except with the kidney thing) with my ex fiance. Can't please everybody
Reply:When you marry, hon, you also marry into their support structure --- family, for good or bad. If he has not been man enough to confront his mom, and his relatives about their poor treatment of you, their rejection of you and that he will not, absolutely not, tolerate their behavior, then if you take him on, knowing full well he is gutless with regard to them, you are about to lead a life of misery, unless the two of you move off to a far city, and cultivate friends of your own, and simply cut them off. If you marry him with out him having told them , "love me, love my wife, or we just will not be part of any of your lives --- period, no compromise..." then hon, you are in for one awful time, until you yourself get sick of all of it, pack up and leave. And he should have this conversation with them, if marriage is part of your future with him. Being married to a ball-less man who will not defend you and tell them that their behavior is inappropriate, gets real old. And being bad-mouthed by stupid, inconsiderate relatives gets old, double-time





Assuming you are a neat lady, with little baggage, nice to be around, pleasant, pull your own weight, yadyadadya, and the only reason you are being outcast is their unsubstantiated opinions, then hon, run.
Reply:maybe talk with the kids, get to know them better and if they really have a problem (the family) then that's their problem.
Reply:I think if u show him you love him so there's no doubt in his mind then that part is fine and as far as the family goes, if someone is with the one they really love then not a lot can persuade them otherwise because at the end of the day feelings often beat reason, in my opinion!
Reply:I have spoken with others with this same issue. What I have personally experienced in my own love life, I told my guy that some of his family might not like the fact that we were back together, his response was " you are not in love with or in a relationship with my family" When I looked at it in his way, he was right we are the ones who have to deal with each other or live with each other, so I turned off that emotion and put all my focus on he and I, and guess what when they saw that I was no longer concerned with them, only with he and I, they slowly came around. Good Luck
Reply:it may be his ex filling the kid's minds with poison, the ex wants the happiness u have, and will try and make it unhappy whenever she can, by using her children. no matter how nice u are to them, it won't make a difference right now, just stay away from his family whenever possible, as u know what they think of u.
Reply:he has to sit down and talk to them and let them know you are in his life and they might not like you but they have to respect you "if they have nothing nice to say don't say nothing at all" it is always hard when the family doesn't like you and than the kids but if your life partner does he will put his family aside but you have to remember his kids should get to spend time with him alone when they need it. It will all work out but takes time.


good luck!
Reply:Get used to it
Reply:you love him... you dont have to love the family. and piss on them if they dont like you, oh well!!.. my inlaws cant stand me , but worship the cheating, drug using non bill paying, bankrupt whore of a ***** ex wife... do what YOU want, not what YOU THINK everyone else wants.... good luck!!!!!!!!!
Reply:first of all please use the spell check you jammed me up..but if he loves you that other sh!!!t is just trash and you will come first just try to throw a get together and see what happens if they can get together and have a good time and see how well ya'll get along together a few times they will slowly come around but really he needs to stand up and say look i love this woman and shes good to me and if yall love me you need to respect that ,,thats part of the reason they pullin that crap becuz he"s lettin them

Human Teeth