Friday, May 21, 2010

I can't figure out a title for this poem and is it any good?

I walk silently through the autumn woods.


The sun makes the jewel leaves shimmer.


The birds watch me as they sing fall's song.


They serenade me as I pass through.


The sweet scent of fall is incredably heady.


The cool breeze feels so good it makes me shiver.


But, it sends a chilly warning of winter and to make ready


for winter.


She brings her white blanket of snow.


Then the flowers of the woods and meadow


go to sleep and never notice me with her white


caresses on the trunks of the trees.


They have lost their bright colored leaves.


Winter has her moments of breathless beauty.


I think not of her as one who has an icy soul


but one who shines up summer's gold.

I can't figure out a title for this poem and is it any good?
Ok, here goes! Actually, pretty good!


I was not 'hooked' with your opening line.


Work on that...


how about: (2nd line)


The jeweled leaves shimmer beneath the sun's bright glow


something along those lines.


drop The sun makes...





and to make ready for winter ....seems a little awkward


how about something like: "Icy whispers warn of coming witner."


Upon the ground she lays her white blanket of sonw.


Or something like: "She tucks her white blanket under the chin of the frozen ground."


Drop the word 'Then' in the line Then the flowers of the woods ... change 'go to sleep' to something like 'slumber' maybe


drop: 'with her white' to 'her alabaster hands carress the trunks of the trees' or something like that


The line:


Then the flowers of the woods and meadow


got to sleep and never notice me with her white


caresses on the trunks of the trees..'


It needs to flow a little more...it is a tiny bit awkward


If you truly wanted a critique, then that is what I have done.


Hope you realize that I am trying to be helpful and not critical.


You have a very good poem that just needs some polish.


You may consider how your experience or walking in the woods makes you feel and include that in your poem.
Reply:Autumn Gold





I like the poem. It is not pretentious. It makes me appreciate nature.
Reply:Im not really good at poemz n stuff!!! I like this poem..I would say call it seasons..BuT datz kinda corney!! lol BuT great poem!!!

Crooked Teeth

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