Would you continue reading my story?

I have to write a shorty story for English and this is what I have so far:


The snow fell softly onto the road and sidewalk just as the wind was blowing gently through the trees. It was a normal wintry day in upstate New York. Snow coated houses like the sweet frosting on a beautiful ginger bread house only a little sweeter. The ice coated trees looked like beautiful chandeliers setting a grand banquet at a picturesque castle. Winter is the season to rediscover the sweetness and beauty of life.


Ann walked quietly home down (enter street name here) in the town of Fulton, New York. She had often viewed this magnificent scene year after year and to her, it lost some of it’s luster. Too much of a beautiful thing can eventually seem ugly, she often told her friends. Still, the ice covered trees awed most of the town with it’s glorious form. A few neighbors, cleaning the frosting off their driveways, kindly called out to her. She return the gesture with a kindheartedly wave and continued walking.


Ann was a young twenty something who often kept to herself. Her family had moved up from Virginia to New York some years ago, and since then, she’s gotten use to the snow. If you asked anyone in the quite town, they would tell you “Oh Ann! She’s such a sweet girl! She really is!” Then they would ask you if you’d like a hot chocolate. Ann had adopted the friendly neighborhood setting quickly. It was now a part of who she was. Ann was independent and quick on her feet. She was always trying to improve herself and stretch her limits.

Would you continue reading my story?
It is a little heavy on the purple prose. Remember Stephen King said "The road to hell is paved with adverbs". Try to tone the adverbs and adjectives down a bit and focus more on your story. That would make it a lot easier to read. Pax-C
Reply:i think it's really good! The only thing is you desrcribe the scenery a little too much and it's a little repetative.


Maybe cut it down and get to the point of the story.


But overall it's good.


Keep working on it :)
Reply:that sounds like an A+ to me!!!
Reply:yes, it sounds interesting, but a bit slow at the begining.
Reply:you need to make it seem more interesting and get to the point, dont elaborate too much on the setting b/c it tends to get boring. its in a good place so far but a couple of changes would get me to continue reading.