AH! this sounds really dumb, help!?

I wrote this poem for Winter, its sounds bad doesn't it? if you have anything better please share! I really stink at lullabies.





The Snow in the air


Oh please don’t despair


My winter, come hither to me


I send sweet dreams to thee.





The snow in the air


The dark nights so fair


Your skin oh so beautiful and pale


And hair soft as a mare’s tail








The snow in the air


I sing to you with care


My snowflake, don’t you cry


Into your dreams I send you goodbye.





Please help me! 8^o

AH! this sounds really dumb, help!?
That was so beautiful! NOT kidding. I loved it! :)
Reply:Its ok, try writeing a free poem
Reply:A good effort. Please change mare's tail to something else because their tails are harsh, stiff hair.
Reply:pretty amazing!!!i like it.
Reply:That's a good lullaby.
Reply:not bad..... that was good!
Reply:that was good u did a great job what are you talking about that it stinks?
Reply:Actually I think it's really good ^^





Only thing I didn't like was the mare's tail bit. lol it sounds a bit strange to me... But it really doesn't take that much away from the overall poem/lullaby.
Reply:whoah. don't need fixin'. it's really good but i would remove this question (seriously) before someone copies it.
Reply:its pretty good, it makes winter seem kinda sad and gloomy, and sleepy, which is how it really is. im a guy , but i think the end was sweet


"Into your dreams I send you goodbye." not bad at all
Reply:that is awesome. seriously.


i wish i could write poems that sounded that good
Reply:Its beautiful.
Reply:it sounds cool, how old are you
Reply:Whats wrong with it? It's fine. And I am being honest.
Reply:that sounds really good. im bad at that myself. lol
Reply:U need no help!That was awesome!
Reply:hey this is a really good poem i mean some people cant even get things to rhyme

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